New 2011 Electronic Devices
Creators Syndicate – There have been a whole slew of articles in the past few weeks about America’s addiction to technology. We’re becoming a nation of people who text rather than talk and prefer to interact with a screen rather than a person. This is not a new phenomenon — almost 20 years ago, our oldest son was so hooked playing “Donkey Kong” on Nintendo that we thought we’d have to send him to a 12-step program when we took it away.
But now that technology has become so portable that everyone you see is spending every spare moment tapping away at little touch screens. They all look very busy, but I get the strange feeling that they are accomplishing absolutely nothing at all. That guy on the bus isn’t reading an article about international economic policy; he’s watching a video of a little baby in a high chair laughing hysterically when Mom sneezes. And that teenage girl isn’t doing research on the best colleges to study medicine — she’s typing “LOL, OMG, and ROFL!” to some other girl who’s responding, “TTYL8R” (talk to you later). It makes me want to SMN4HD (stab myself in the forehead).
Through decades of scientific research, we’ve invented pocket-sized devices that allow us to access entire encyclopedias of information at the touch of a button. Then, we decided encyclopedias are boring and we’d rather play games.
The latest innovation is the iPad. It’s a tablet about the size of a small magazine with a touch screen. It’s kind of expensive, but it’s easy to use and has great graphics and a fast processor. The most important thing is that it’s perfectly designed to do absolutely nothing important. You can’t really type anything long on it, so you can’t do real work. You can’t do your taxes on it. You can, though, watch videos of laughing babies, which are even funnier on a bigger screen. You can also play “Angry Birds,” which seems to involve taking cartoon birds and shooting them through a simulated slingshot to knock over blocks. Somehow, this game, which is more simplistic than “Donkey Kong,” has taken off. All across the country, kids are abandoning schoolwork to become proficient in aiming slingshots — a skill that hasn’t been too useful since Goliath got one right in the eye.
To be fair, you can also play “Words with Friends,” which is basically the long-forgotten game of Scrabble. Americans have been playing Scrabble, and hating it, for decades. Every family in this country has a Scrabble game somewhere on a shelf — the box all crushed and covered with dust, the little wooden letter tiles spilling out on the carpet. I actually think Scrabble was invented by the folks at Hoover. They knew that the only way you’re getting a new vacuum is if the old one breaks, and the best way to break a vacuum is to vacuum up Scrabble tiles.
The key to “Words with Friends,” however, is you can play it over the Internet. This is important, because if you’re not in the same room with the other person, you can’t see them yawning. Also, there are no wooden tiles to step on when walking barefoot.
As a disclaimer, I have to mention that I do own a smartphone – a BlackBerry. It can get the Internet, but it has such tiny keys that I almost need a magnifying glass to be able to type anything. The only real useful purpose that I’ve found is when shopping in the supermarket. When my wife sends me on a shopping errand, I can look up stuff like, “What is the difference between cilantro and parsley?” The problem is that I can’t get a proper signal in the grocery store because of the overhead lights and security cameras. Mostly, I tap away at the tiny keyboard, stand impatiently, and then swear like a sailor. If anyone knows what cilantro is, drop me a line.
Over Easter, our oldest son, years and years clean from his “Donkey Kong” addiction, came home with his girlfriend for the weekend. Our twin 15-year-old daughters were particularly excited to see them, as we only get to visit a few times a year.
Halfway through the weekend, I came into the living room to find the four of them sprawled on the furniture, all staring at various electronic devices, with frowns on their faces and no one talking. They were all plugged into “Words with Friends,” playing multiple games against each other. Sophisticated computer technology and telecommunications networks were being deployed to play a game that I couldn’t have gotten them to play, in its old form, at gunpoint. I frowned.
